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Hood: Howard Fails to Call Blair a Terrorist Patsy

Howard Fails to Call Blair a Terrorist Patsy

Satire by Lyndon Hood

The poodle

Speaking at a press conference today, Australian Prime Minister John Howard failed to condemn Tony Blair's plan to withdraw more than a quarter of the UK troops in Iraq this year as "a victory for the terrorists".

"If I was running al-Quaeda in Iraq, I would put a circle round this day, so I would remember to make it a half holiday once I had installed my religious dicatorship," Howard didn't say, "Also, I would whoop and fire my gun in the air in celebration."

Mr Howard, who appeared to have left his Bush Administration playbook at home, also failed to say that the scaledown of Britain's forces would be a blow to freedom and democracy in the Middle East.

"I think this will just encourage those who wanted completely to destabilise and destroy Iraq, and create chaos and victory for the terrorists, to hang on and hope for further troop withdrawals and restoration of sovereignty," the Prime Minister didn't say.

"If Tony loves the terrorists so much," he didn't quip, "why doesn't he marry them?"

In a statement, Mr Howard did not explain that interference in UK politics was justified because of a threat to Australia.

"If the United Kingdom were to withdraw her combat units from Iraq, it could only be represented as a defeat for the United Kingdom in Iraq," he did not say in a statement, "I hold the strongest possible view that it is contrary to the security interests of this country for the UK to be defeated in Iraq."

Mr Howard is expected to take some consolation in Blair's intent to reconsider the withdrawal if the situation deteriorates when responsibility for security in Southern Iraq is handed to the local warlords.

"I will be praying, as many times as possible, for a deterioration in the situation," Mr Howard did not say.

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