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Lyndon Hood: Real Life Easter Eggs

Scoop Satire: Real Life Easter Eggs

Satire by Lyndon Hood

Computer programmers often leave 'Easter Eggs' in software - special features or surprises that can be revealed by some secret combination of events. Some early Unix systems, for example, responded to the command "make love" with "not war?". More recently, the 1997 version of Excel contained a flight simulator. And then there's the 'Exploding Lara Croft' trick.

In honour of the recent holy season, I present the list of little-know local easter eggs.

If you hold down the “Control”, “Shift”, “Alt” (“Option” on a Mac) and “S” keys when sending out a negative press release, you can “Slam” your target. “Slamming” causes up to 50% more damage than an ordinary attack, though it become less effective with more use.

Type “campaign finance reform” into the chat line to automatically receive five million gold.

When playing “Real Parliament 2007”, we all know the rule is that you have to address MPs by the proper title. But if you called Bill English the “co-leader” of the National Party nobody complains. This is more of a bug than an easter egg, but some people enjoy exploiting it anyway.

Hint: If you see David Benson-Pope putting out a press release trumpeting a fall in unemployment, be ready. Judith Collins is about to put out a press release bewailing a rise in sickness beneficiaries.

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Breaking the world unassisted free-dive record, which among other things involves submerging yourself in water and holding your breath, might conceivably stop you smelling a rat when your mayor decides his relationship with China is more important than human rights.

It's been asserted that, if you press the right buttons, John Key will make a 180 degree turn, at the same time as spinning furiously. This is wrong. He does that anyway.

Allow pathology services to be privatised. Then, before the contract rows, uncertainties, strikes and staff shortages kick in, get un-elected and let the other people face the music. DO NOT hold on to power if this is happening. That's just stupid.

If you repeatedly hit your forehead against wall or similar hard object, then letting politicians write the election spending rules starts to seem like a good idea.

There is a free, open source version of your life available. Advanced users may notice that it lacks some features, but considering you mostly use yours for work, email and the web, I'd suggest you make the switch.

Go to a beach (obviously not at high tide or in bad weather), dig a small hole, kind of kneel down so your head is inside the hole, and fill the hole in again, then human influence on global warming will vanish.

If, while using any weapon other than the pistols, you walk one step back, one step forward, crouch, release crouch, spin around three times and do a normal backward jump, then you probably don't have much to keep you occupied during the Parliamentary recess either.


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