Top Scoops

Book Reviews | Gordon Campbell | Scoop News | Wellington Scoop | Community Scoop | Search

 

Hood: Key Cancels "Wasteful" Employment Summit

Key Cancels "Wasteful" Employment Summit

Satire by Lyndon Hood

The National Government has cancelled another conference, with Prime Minister John Key describing it as "a waste of public money at a critical time".

During a line-by-line review of spending by the department of Prime Minister and Cabinet, Mr Key discovered the so-called "Summit on Employment", which was to be held in Auckland on February 27.

The summit, which was organised by bureaucrats, was to gather business leaders together from around the country to have a bit of a chat about employment-related issues.

"Employers are the life blood of our economy," said My Key, "We don't want them swanning around at some fancy conference venue eating sausage rolls - they should be at work employing people!"

My Key emphasised the he supported the goal of gathering fresh ideas to retain and grow jobs. "But haven't they ever heard of email? Or telephones?"

"Unfortunately we won't be able to recoup the money spent on branding and publicity for the conference," Mr Key continued, "I shall be asking some very stern questions about why an publicly-funded event needs its own logo.

"Not that it's a bad logo. It's got lines making a sort of mountain. Summit, you see. Because it's a summit."

After an uncomfortable pause Mr Key suggested it might actually be a roof with retrofitted insulation.

My Key cited this action as proof the he and the Beehive political staff were right on the ball when it came to saving money.

"In these hard economic times we need to make sure every taxpayer dollar is well spent. How many manufacturing workers could be employed with that money? Or, to put the spending in more standard terms, how many hip operations could an osteopathic surgeon employed with that money perform?

"The number of blocks of cheese involved doesn't bear thinking about."

A spokesman for the Prime Minister's office later clarified that, while whether the summit was a waste of money was debatable, Mr Key did not want to be the last minister to cancel a conference or fire somebody.

********

Got feedback? Leave a comment on Lyndon's blog

© Scoop Media

 
 
 
Top Scoops Headlines

 


Keith Rankin: Our Neanderthal Ancestry

After my partner read Dan Salmon's novel Neands – written during lockdown in 2020 – I decided to renew my interest in our distant ancestry, in part with a concern that homo neanderthalensis has been unable to shake off, so far, its unflattering reputation in popular culture... More>>

Ian Powell: Rescuing Simpson From Simpson

(Originally published at The Democracy Project ) Will the health reforms proposed for the Labour Government make the system better or worse? Health commentator Ian Powell (formerly the Executive Director of the Association of Salaried Medical ... More>>

Missions To Mars: Mapping, Probing And Plundering The Red Planet

In the first month of 2020, Forbes was all excitement about fresh opportunities for plunder and conquest. Titled “2020: The Year We Will Conquer Mars”, the contribution by astrophysicist Paul M. Sutter was less interested in the physics than the conquest. ... More>>

Binoy Kampmark: Brawling Over Vaccines: Export Bans And The EU’s Bungled Rollout
The European Union has been keeping up appearances in encouraging the equitable distribution of vaccines to combat SARS-CoV-2 and its disease, COVID-19. Numerous statements speak to the need to back the COVAX scheme, to ensure equity and that no one state misses out... More>>

Jennifer S. Hunt: Trump Evades Conviction Again As Republicans Opt For Self-Preservation

By Jennifer S. Hunt Lecturer in Security Studies, Australian National University Twice-impeached former US President Donald Trump has evaded conviction once more. On the fourth day of the impeachment trial, the Senate verdict is in . Voting guilty: ... More>>

Binoy Kampmark: Let The Investigation Begin: The International Criminal Court, Israel And The Palestinian Territories

International tribunals tend to be praised, in principle, by those they avoid investigating. Once interest shifts to those parties, such bodies become the subject of accusations: bias, politicisation, crude arbitrariness. The United States, whose legal and political ... More>>

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
  • PublicAddress
  • Pundit
  • Kiwiblog