Frontline Wine: The biggest fraud in wine today

The biggest fraud in wine today...besides most of the New Zealand wine awards (just kidding; save your unlimited flying ninja-gold-stars for another time) is the practice of ‘buying sur latte’ in Champagne. Sur latte transactions are the wholesale purchase of Champagnes already bottled and disgorged by another producer or grower. Basically, the big guys are meeting demand and cutting costs by buying cleanskin fizz, then slapping their own label on it.

Doesn’t that rip the perfectly polished sheen off these brands when you hear this? You won’t be feeling so James Bond-ey and oh-so-full-of-yourself-richey-rich knowing the top-selling Champagne you spent a fortune on has quite possibly been produced, not from the rolling grandiose estates of the Grand Marques, but instead from ‘origins unknown’?

And yet it’s happening. Of course none of the top brass will admit it, but you only need to talk to the small growers and co-ops who openly discuss its occurrence (but never reveal the names of their patrons). Alternatively, evidence can be found from studying the volumes produced by the big Champagne houses. It shows volume sold/held exceeds the wine-producing capabilities of their listed properties. Isn’t the thought appalling that the great Champagnes, those expensive standard bearers for unfettered, greasy opulence might have been made by a seven-foot, knuckle dragging mechanic called Pierre in his outhouse beside the pigs?

But then, do people give a damn about the taste of Champagne? Well, generally no. People seem to sit on the same brand forever. Having once got smashed on a particular Champagne and pulled somebody well above their station in a blizzard of confidence, they will never waiver in their loyalty to the fizz consumed that night.

To really open a person’s eyes to the crap they’re drinking, one must place their favourite big brand Champagne into a blind tasting with examples from the boutique Champagne houses. It may be expensive, but by doing it this way you get to witness an amazing thing happening. You’ll find people usually realise, having in some circumstances been drinking the same fizz for twenty years or more, that they don’t even like the brand they’re drinking never mind find the other Champagnes better! To enforce this “I told you so” point of realisation, try a lumbering ‘haymaker’ slap to the back of the head. The association of pain with their own stupidity when they realise they’ve been wasting money on such badly-made rubbish through nothing more than narrow-minded ignorance can only benefit them on the whole, even if it’s only brain damage. Tasting money well spent I say.

The difference in quality is comparable to the difference between instant coffee and roasted grind from the finest Ethiopian sweat-houses. There is no comparison (but at least the instant is cheap). Wouldn’t you feel robbed if you asked for a flat white on the high street only for the barista to lump a teaspoon of Nescafe into the cup for your $4?

So why buy a bottle of Cuvee Pierre Avec Porc Brut NV with a fancy branded label on it knowing it isn’t worth the money you’re paying for it? So you’ll look good in front of your friends? Perhaps you want to emulate your favourite formula one driver and live for a brief moment in the pretty picture of luxury painted by the Champenoise Marketing departments.

Don’t be a sheep. Great Champagne is a truly memorable experience. By drinking the big brands (and if you know their names…they’re big), you’re denying yourself one of life’s great pleasures. Don’t settle for a passable fizz just because it has a name. Equally, don’t be afraid to try Champagnes you haven’t heard of; search out the great boutique brands available here in New Zealand.

And for God’s sake realise a Champagne that sells in supermarkets for $99 but drops to $49 at Christmas is probably not worth $20. In fact, if it sells in supermarkets at all, it’s no doubt mass-produced and characterless and probably best avoided if you really want bang for your buck. Your hard earned cash should be used for your enjoyment, not to line the pockets of the shareholders and marketing departments of large companies who are the silent cohorts in this scam.

Tarlant Prestige 1998

A big rich, flavoursome, Champagne with perfect balance and long length. A fine mousse, refreshing acidity and pronounced minerality create considerable depth and complexity with a broad splay of flavours. For the same price as a bottle of Bollinger it wins hands down every time. $120

Cattier NV Brut 1er Cru

The best entry level Champagne currently on the market in New Zealand. Crisp, tight and packed with skinsy flavour. Excellent value for money and good to see the judging panel at Cuisine get something consistently right for a change (awarded best buy three years in a row).

$59.00

Pierre Gimonnet Brut Blanc de Blanc NV

Produced entirely from Chardonnay sourced solely from high quality plots on the Cotes des Blancs, Gimonnet is noticeably floral with a creamy texture, almond and a whiplash, backbone of acidity. $99

Roederer Cristal 1979

Still as lively as a red-bull-charged, teenage girl half its age; the 79 Cristal is a perfect, unblemished Champagne with the legs to go for another 20 years. A wall of acidity, piercing compact flavour broadened by a silken mousse; the old Krug and Salon I’ve tried look like cumbersome oafs in comparison to this sensational vintage Champagne.

Paul Brannigan, http://www.rumbles.co.nz/

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