Gordon Campbell | Parliament TV | Parliament Today | News Video | Crime | Employers | Housing | Immigration | Legal | Local Govt. | Maori | Welfare | Unions | Youth | Search

 

The Secret Alliance With Labour is Over

Mana McGillicuddy

A Pressing Release for Immediate Publication

The triennial convention of the real McGillicuddy Serious Party was held this weekend at a secret location under the protection of the elite forces of the NZ Army’s bridge building corp.

Thane Norman Fakeninja was nominated to stand for Parliament after out going candidate, his Empirical Sphericalness the Thane of Wheel- forgot his shoe size and turned up in flip-flops to address the clan.

His Sphericalness apologized for risking odium on the podium by exposing the only serious party in New Zealand to ridicule from the enormous catalogue of Australia v Kiwi jandal jokes.

The army also expressed concern that inappropriate footwear could pose a threat given the hordes of angry bees mysteriously in pursuit of their commander Major Panic.

Thane Norman thanked His Sphericalness for the secret alliance with the New Zealand Labour Party which has led to the subtle implementation of McGillcuddy policies of regression & funism. The Thane said“this alliance with Labour has seen , our policies realized in the form of Hip Hop Tours to Disneyland, Porn on Police computers to alleviate boredom whilst waiting for taxis and the appointment of Judges according to shoe size.”

However recent environmental issues have led to a change in allegiance after experts identified cow crap as responsible for destroying the North Island Lakes.” Wellington harbour is also at serious risk from large quantities of agro - cultural effluent that has spewed unchecked into the harbour for many years. The source of this bullshit has been identified as an illegal beehive in the center of the City, which appears to violate biosecurity regulations about the management of foul brood.

Major Panic offered to construct a bailey bridge under the beehive but his suggestion was rejected because of insufficient supplies of dodgy Oregon. The proposal eventually adopted by unanimous resolution -calls for the beehive to be encased in paper mache.

To halt the affluent effluent effectively, efficiently and expeditiously, harmless jargon generators will be installed to replace MP’s and a 12 ft thick dome will be constructed of paper mache to cover the structure.

To achieve this goal, the people of New Zealand have been called upon to participate in the “Calloused Hands Across New Zealand campaign. Citizens are being urged to take advantage of the free postage to their MP and send all unwanted bits of paper to Wellington to help save our Harbour.- July 18 2005.

ENDS

© Scoop Media

 
 
 
Parliament Headlines | Politics Headlines | Regional Headlines

Coronavirus: On The Addiction To Chinese Student Fees, And A Possible Future For RNZ Concert

Last week, Australian PM Scott Morrison extended its ban on foreign visitors from or passing through from mainland China – including Chinese students - for a third week. New Zealand has dutifully followed suit, with our travel ban extending until next Monday at least, presumably dependent to some extent on what Morrison decides to do later this week.
Our universities are now asking for an exemption to the travel ban for their Chinese students, who would still, the universities assure us, be subjected to strict quarantine procedures upon arrival. Given how the inability of the university system to care for its own students on campus made world news last year, that promise may not do much to reduce the coronavirus fears among the wider New Zealand public. More>>


 

2020 And Beyond: National’s Economic Plan

National Leader Simon Bridges has today outlined National’s economic plan heading into election 2020. “National understands the economy and how it impacts on New Zealanders day to day lives... More>>

ALSO:

Abortion Legislation Committee: Abortion Bill Report Presented To The House

The Abortion Legislation Committee has presented its report on the Abortion Legislation Bill to the House. A copy of the report is available here. The bill seeks to have abortion services provided like other health services... More>>

ALSO:

Local Government NZ: New Report A Pathfinder For Affordable Housing

A report released today by LGNZ provides a roadmap for councils finding their way through the complex policy, regulatory and market tools available to help enable more affordable housing developments for New Zealanders. With demand soaring, rents ... More>>

ALSO:

“Can Do Better”: Sallies Election Year Report Card

This year’s State of the Nation report by The Salvation Army offers a mixed bag of outcomes, with some significant headline progress - but also an ambitious list of “can do better”. Government action is delivering limited improvements... More>>

ALSO:


Gordon Campbell: On Concert Being Bled For RNZ Youth Station

Release the frequencies! If only all political crises could be resolved with such (suspicious) ease. In December, the RNZ board signed off on the idea for a new youth music channel on FM. More>>

ALSO:

 
 
 
 
 

LATEST HEADLINES

  • PARLIAMENT
  • POLITICS
  • REGIONAL
 


 

InfoPages News Channels