Teenage drinking problem solved
9 November 2006
Teenage drinking problem solved by McGillicuddies
Aunt Dottie, former health spokeswoman for the now defunct McGillicuddy Serious Party, today unveiled her simple but effective pharmacological solution to unruly teenage drunkenness.
She is touting her remedy in the wake of Parliament's vote last night that scrapped Hamilton West MP Martin Gallagher's bill that would have made it illegal again for teens to buy booze.
"The problem is not so much the alcohol, per se, or the tender age of the drunkards," says Aunt Dottie.
"I blame those silly modern drinks that are a concoction of caffeine AND alcohol. They keep the little dears awake for hours and hours, you know, marauding around in an inebriated state, creating all sorts of mayhem.
"Now the way to put that right is to quietly swap the caffeine for Valium, or some other convenient sedative!
"That would see all the under-age drinkers, and probably a few older ones, safely tucked up in bed by 10 o'clock. End of problem," declares Aunt Dottie.