Search

 

Cablegate: Stephen Harper's Christmas Wishlist

VZCZCXRO3822
PP RUEHGA RUEHHA RUEHMT RUEHQU RUEHVC
DE RUEHOT #1585 3581812
ZNR UUUUU ZZH
P 231812Z DEC 08
FM AMEMBASSY OTTAWA
TO RUEHC/SECSTATE WASHDC PRIORITY 8908
INFO RUCNCAN/ALL CANADIAN POSTS COLLECTIVE

UNCLAS OTTAWA 001585

SENSITIVE
SIPDIS

E.O. 12958: N/A
TAGS: PGOV ECON CA
SUBJECT: STEPHEN HARPER'S CHRISTMAS WISHLIST

1. (SBU) As Santa Claus prepares to leave his North Pole
(Canada) base to deliver presents around the world (with
NORAD dutifully tracking his progress), Prime Minister
Stephen Harper may be offering up his own wistful wish list
for Christmas 2008, perhaps as follows:

-- President Obama's first phone call after the inauguration
is to PM Harper, with an invitation to visit the White House
ASAP to learn from Harper's insights and experience;
-- the North American recession turns out to have been a
"Dallas"-like dream sequence, and we all wake up to healthy,
expanding economies with solvent banks (based on the Canadian
regulatory model) and full employment;
-- the 2009 Canadian budget passes the House of Commons
unanimously;
-- Newfoundland Premier Danny Williams recants his
Venezuelan/Che Guevara economic theories and gives free
rights to Newfie water to AbitibiBowater in perpetuity,
leading Maude Barlow to emigrate to Zimbabwe;
-- Quebec voters come to their senses, abandon the Bloc
Quebecois, and vote en masse for the Conservatives in the
next election, creating a stable Conservative majority in the
House of Commons;
-- the three opposition parties in Parliament drop all
objections to an elected Senate, which all provinces then
rush to endorse as well;
-- the Liberal Party national convention delegates in May
2009 unanimously pick discredited ex-leader Stephane Dion as
the party's new permanent "Leader-for-Life;"
-- scientists discover that Canada's oil sands have a
positive effect on climate change and can be efficiently
extracted even at a world oil price of $10 per barrel;
-- Russia abandons all claims to the Arctic and donates its
nuclear submarine that remains wedged between two ice floes
to the Canadian Navy, thereby doubling Canada's blue-water
capabilities;
-- millions of newly rich Chinese consumers develop a sudden
craze for Canadian-made SUVs and trucks;
-- after successfully democratic Afghan elections in 2009,
the Taliban and al-Qaeda give up and "go home," peace and
stability emerge throughout Afghanistan, and the Canadian
Forces and other ISAF troops depart in victory;
-- Jon Stewart and "The Daily Show" stop making fun of
Canada and Canadian politics.

2. (U) Best wishes for happy holidays and a joyous 2009 --
and may your own wishlists have better chances of success!

Visit Canada,s Economy and Environment Forum at
http://www.intelink.gov/communities/state/can ada

BREESE

© Scoop Media

 
 
 
World Headlines

 

APEC : Leaders Issue Kuala Lumpur Declaration

The leaders of the 21 APEC member economies issued the Kuala Lumpur Declaration following the first-ever virtual 27th APEC Economic Leaders’ Meeting chaired by Malaysian Prime Minister Muhyiddin Yassin. Convening for the first time since the ... More>>

UN: Refugee Resettlement Numbers Fall To Lowest In Two Decades

Refugee resettlement numbers will be at a “record low” this year, the UN refugee agency (UNHCR) said on Wednesday, with only 15,425 people resettled in the first nine months of 2020, compared to more than 50,000 in 2019. In 2016, resettlement ... More>>

G20: Global Co-Operation And Strong Policy Action Needed For A Sustainable Recovery

The COVID-19 crisis has exposed major weaknesses in our economies that can only be fixed through greater global co-operation and strong, targeted policy action, according to a new OECD report presented to the Leaders of the G20 countries at their ... More>>

OECD: GDP Rebounded By 9.0% In The Third Quarter Of 2020 But Remains Below Pre-Pandemic High

Following the unprecedented falls in real gross domestic product (GDP) in the first half of the year in the wake of COVID-19 containment measures, GDP in the OECD area rebounded by 9.0% in the third quarter of 2020 but it remains 4.3% below its pre-crisis ... More>>