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Bush & Saddam In Speech-Notes Swap Scandal

EDITORS NOTE: Scoop is proud to host the online version of the Babylon Express satirical newspaper. Those easily offended and not often amused should avoid this content. See authors note at the end of this article for more information about the Babylon Express.

Bush & Saddam In Speech-Notes Swap Scandal

"If there is a person, then there is a problem. If there is no person, then there is no problem."
A favourite saying of Saddam Hussein - Butcher of Baghdad, Tyrant of Iraq, and Embodiment of All That is Evil.

"Many others have met different fates. Let's put it this way: They are no longer a problem to the United States and our friends and allies."
A reference to suspected terrorists killeed by US forces in the State of the Union Address by George W. Bush - Cowboy Crusader, Oligarch of the United States, and Leader of the Free World.*

1) The phrase 'Free World' is the copyright of the United States Government. It may not be reproduced or used in discourse by any person(s) without an express written authority of an authorised US Government official acting as an agent of God Almighty and/or Our Lord Jesus Christ the Redeemer.

2) A person is exempt from section 1 if he or she is:
(a) a leader or official representative of any nation that has purchased military equipment from, or been given military equipment by, the United States;
(b) a leader or official representative of a paramilitary group/death squad funded by the CIA;
(c) Tony Blair; or
(d) John Howard.

3) Whether a person satisfies the requirements of section 2 is at the sole discretion of an authorised US Government official acting as an agent of God Almighty and/or Our Lord Jesus Christ the Redeemer.

4) Notwithstanding that a person satisfies the criteria of section 2(a) and/or 2(b), a person who satisfies any of the following criteria is prohibited from using the phrase 'Free World':
(a) He or she is a national of a state, which has used weapons purchased from the United States to attack any nation with a McDonald's;
(b) He or she is a national of a state, which has used weapons purchased from the United States to encourage and /or actively bring about structural social change that may damage United States business interests;
(c) He or she:
i) does not have,
ii) no longer has, or
iii) has received a refusal to renew, an applicable contract with the CIA or any attendant US government 'black-budget' bodies.

5) Persons must only use the phrase 'Free World' if:
(a) it is apparent that he or she intends to refer to a wholly integrated global pseudo-capitalism;
(b) it is not foreseeable, expected or encouraged that capitalism is to be in any way 'free' as is generally (i.e. publicly) understood;

6) If the phrase 'Free World' is used by any person(s):
(a) other than in compliance with sections 2, 3, 4 and 5; and/or
(b) in a manner considered unacceptable to US interests,
then the US may take any remedial steps it considers appropriate, including, but not limited to:
i) the wholesale bombing by US military forces of any country in the wrong place at the wrong time;
ii) an official State Department redesignation of any relevant person or entity as a terroristic group;
iii) a coordinated covert attempt involving acceptable local person(s) or entities in disrupting regional security through whatever means necessary;
iv) a coordinated covert attempt to destabilise regional economies through the selective use of free-market forces.

7) Definition of Terms:
'Free': Used here to apply to freedom from governmental regulation for any US transnational corporation business interest and/or approved affiliate entity.
'World': Used here to apply to the United States and any approved and updated allies. (Nb - subject to regular change)
'God Almighty': Used here to apply to a vengeful, jealous, and patriachal cosmological entity of infinite power who so loved the world that he sent his only son etc etc...
'State': includes Palestine (for the sole purpose of this agreement only).

**** ENDS ****

- The Babylon Express is a satirical newspaper published randomly in Wellington. Copies are so far only available in local shops whose proprietors haven't got sticks up their arses. Those interested in acquiring previous or upcoming print edition copies should contact the editor at or subscribe at the online home of the Babylon Express (including previous online articles) here on Scoop at: Contributions and suggestions are always very welcome. Cheers.

Readers may also like to consider subscribing to the online email version in Free My Scoop.

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