Lyndon Hood: Holiday Entertainment for MPs
Holiday Entertainment for MPs
Satire by Lyndon Hood
With a few days still to go of the two-week parliamentary recess, I imagine most of us have reached the point where we'll be glad to have the wee mites out from under our feet.
It can be difficult to find safe activities for your elected representatives these days, what with the worry that they might be abducted by special interest groups. But there are still plenty of ways to keep MPs from becoming bored and crotchety and getting in the way of the housework.
During the holidays many fairs are running - hard-to-please parliamentarians can reliably expect a hot dog and a bouncy castle. And perhaps one of those "ring the bell" things where you compete to raise your rating on a pole by bashing something at the bottom. They might like to imagine it's a beneficiary.
As a rainy-day activity, your MP might enjoy making himself a life-sized model of the State out of used moneybags and red tape. Or you could teach lessons about civic responsibility with a pet - buy her some goldfish and insist she takes acceptably good care of, oh, about 92 per cent of them.
If all else fails, put two of them in a room and turn the lights out. They'll happily argue about whose fault it is for days.
Even though they might want an expensive Playstation or zero crime, a little imagination and a few leaked documents or a hastily-assembled straw man will keep them occupied just as well, and also help them develop useful empty-rhetoric skills. Don't forget how diverted the larrikins can be by simple games like 'Tag', 'Find-the-Leader' or 'Time For New Blood'.
If all else fails, just keep counting the hours till you drop them back off at the steps of Parliament for the start of a new session. It won't be long before you'll be wishing they could stay back home!