Top Scoops

Book Reviews | Gordon Campbell | Scoop News | Wellington Scoop | Community Scoop | Search


Lyndon Hood: Holiday Entertainment for MPs

Holiday Entertainment for MPs

Satire by Lyndon Hood

Snakes and Ladders,
Don and John

With a few days still to go of the two-week parliamentary recess, I imagine most of us have reached the point where we'll be glad to have the wee mites out from under our feet.

It can be difficult to find safe activities for your elected representatives these days, what with the worry that they might be abducted by special interest groups. But there are still plenty of ways to keep MPs from becoming bored and crotchety and getting in the way of the housework.

During the holidays many fairs are running - hard-to-please parliamentarians can reliably expect a hot dog and a bouncy castle. And perhaps one of those "ring the bell" things where you compete to raise your rating on a pole by bashing something at the bottom. They might like to imagine it's a beneficiary.

As a rainy-day activity, your MP might enjoy making himself a life-sized model of the State out of used moneybags and red tape. Or you could teach lessons about civic responsibility with a pet - buy her some goldfish and insist she takes acceptably good care of, oh, about 92 per cent of them.

If all else fails, put two of them in a room and turn the lights out. They'll happily argue about whose fault it is for days.

Even though they might want an expensive Playstation or zero crime, a little imagination and a few leaked documents or a hastily-assembled straw man will keep them occupied just as well, and also help them develop useful empty-rhetoric skills. Don't forget how diverted the larrikins can be by simple games like 'Tag', 'Find-the-Leader' or 'Time For New Blood'.

If all else fails, just keep counting the hours till you drop them back off at the steps of Parliament for the start of a new session. It won't be long before you'll be wishing they could stay back home!

Happy Holidays!


© Scoop Media

Top Scoops Headlines


27-29 Sept: Social Enterprise World Forum Live Blog

1600+ delegates from more than 45 countries have came together to share wisdom, build networks and discuss how to create a more sustainable future using social enterprise as a vehicle. Attending the Forum were social enterprise practitioners, social entrepreneurs, policy makers, community leaders, investors, activists, academics and more from across the globe... More>>

HiveMind Report: A Universal Basic Income For Aotearoa NZ

Results from this HiveMind suggests that an overwhelming majority of Kiwis believe that due to changing circumstances and inefficiencies in the current system, we need a better system to take care of welfare of struggling members in our society. More>>


Scoop Hivemind: Medical Cannabis - Co-Creating A Policy For Aotearoa

Welcome to the fourth and final HiveMind for Scoop’s Opening the Election campaign for 2017. This HiveMind explores the question: what would a fair, humane and safe Medical Cannabis policy look like for Aotearoa, NZ in 2018? More>>


Lyndon Hood: Notes On National’s Election Campaign, In Poem Form

Nationyl’s bitumen-ing / As they du du / Seed groweth / River floweth / Then ‘dozer drives thru / Highway ensu. More>>