Lyndon Hood: Cautionary Tales For Pacific Leaders

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The Tragic Story Of Commodore Frank,
Who Set Out To Save His Government
But Finished By Breaking His Country

Frank saw the Government was very corrupt.
He was moved to take action, and nothing abrupt;
A considered response: What to do? What to do?
In Fiji, it's the custom, so Frank staged a coup.

The harvest of soldiers had been good that year,
So Frank, he had plenty, in fact, some to spare.
He worked out his plans, and as is his way
Announced he'd take over on this or that day.

He made vague demands, and he wouldn't debate 'em:
"Since you wilfully won't meet with my ultimatum,
The coup will take place next week." Oh so polite -
Now I ask you, if that is wrong, then what is right?

The Commodre had what he truly desired,
A coup and (for all he said) not a shot fired.
And in case his motives were slightly in doubt
He started in rooting corruptishness out.

A "Road Map To Democracy" was then prepared
Spanning an impressive number of years.
Soldiers hit the streets (what you might call a Surge)
A state of 'emergency' - all the troops 'emerged'.

Soldiers in the streets, all looking to weed
Out subversives - a little force is what you need.
But just when dissention began to reverse,
Frank noticed a problem that was rather worse.

The sun was as sunny, the sea was as wet
The men with machine guns were friendly - you bet! -
The skies were as blue (perhaps even bluer),
But somehow the number of tourists was fewer.

This fact, for poor Frank, it simply made him cry
And the reason? He just couldn't understand why.
Their welcome, as they got off touristy planes,
And picked up their luggage was still much the same -

Perhaps one ukelele, or a set.
Then, relieved of any journalists that they'd met
On the plane, they were channelled, with barriers of rope,
Under a pretty banner ('Abandon all hope...').

Then other countries put in a appearance
Trying to change things (that's called 'interference')
They preached isolation, put out far and wide
That the beautiful nation Fiji'd been shanghai'd.

NZ, EU nor Aust, they did not understand
Though Frank told them wonderful plans he had planned.
Diplomats undermined him (O, scheming practitioners!)
'Till Frank, mad, expelled one - for sins of Commissioner.

Unless you're a kiwi called Mike (Field or Green)
How this saga will all end remains to be seen.
Frank, on his side, means to last years, or more -
One wonders what there will be left to restore

MORAL:

If results show your coup d'état plan was unsound,
You can still let your nation run into the ground
No matter what diplomats or markets do,
It won't have much impact, personally, on you.

SECOND MORAL:

When neighbouring lands come apart at the seams,
You may try to make them conform to your dreams;
Damaging sanctions or petulant yelps,
Provided - here's the thing - it actually helps.

THIRD MORAL:

Bainimarama,
Though a charmer,
's deeds lacked karma.
Should have been calmer
(Ask the Lama).

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