Lyndon Hood: Your Own Child Abuse Press Release

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Recent events, highlighting our national habit of toddler-killing, have provoked widespread outrage, much of which has been aired in public.

Perhaps, like many otherwise normal people, you have yet to put out a press release on the subject. Don't worry - Scoop is here to help you.

As a service to our readers we have reproduced - completely free of charge - the offical template for outraged press releases about child abuse.

Now, for the first time, you too can join the usual suspects and multi-choose your way to the opinion pages.

We hope this will help our nation finish venting at the horrible maltreatment of this lot of children before the media notices another one.

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"After the tragic death of
the Kahui twinsone of those other murdered kids
there was a lot of outraged rhetoric and a political talkfest. Since then the Government has
done nothingdone somethingnot done what it said it wouldbeen repeatedly admitted to hospital with serious bruising.

And now children continue to die. This is
badshockinghardly faira cry for helptypical of this power-mad Labour Governmentdespite the smacking banstatistically inevitablea tragic waste of child laboura sign kids aren't as durable as they used to be.

"New Zealand's record on child abuse is a national shame. We must address the root cause of this blot on our society:
brown peoplewelfarismlack of corporal punishmentcolonisation'loving discipline'atheismderegulationvideo gamespolitical correctnessnanny-statismparolepeople in no way like meover-reportinggay marriagethe high NZ dollara rising Asian crime tidethe 'babykiller' geneanger at lack of tax cutssnotty little kidsartificial sweeteners.

"The time for talking has passed - we already know what the solution is. The Government must move immediately to
back successful community organisationsban poor peoplegive child abusers 'the bash'institute mandatory police surveillance of parentspreemptively put at-risk kids out of their misery,
run a public education campaignget people to dob in their neighboursfind someone to blamehand out free hugspack all children in protective cases
and
increase prison sentencesteach schoolchildren killing toddlers is wrongscreen all medical patients for abusecut taxes for hard-working kiwisput a price on carbon emissionsgive that damn pied piper his money, already.

"This will
fix everythingdo the trickmake it all go awaybe a startbe enthusiastically agreed to then abandonedpass responsiblity on to someone elsenot work, but we'll feel better.
And I think that's something we all can agree on.

"How many more children have to die?I told you this would happen!Why can't we all just get along?It's enough to make you vote Libertarianz!And I would just like to add that I am not a racist."

ENDS

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