Rosalea Barker: I, technofool

About three weeks ago, the smartphone I use as a modem stopped being recognized by my laptop. It’s the only connection I have to the Internet, so I called Verizon’s helpdesk to try and solve the problem. Amazingly, the person I spoke to said I should download a new version of the connection management software to my computer. What part of “only connection to the Internet” didn’t he understand? Well, of course, he understood perfectly; he wanted less to solve the problem than he wanted to make me buy a new phone and start a new contract. (I’ve been out of contract for nearly a year.)

Maybe it’s just the USB cable that’s faulty, I thought, logically, so I went into a Verizon store with my phone and asked if they could hook it up to one of their computers with their own cable to see if the phone would be recognized. “We’re not allowed to connect customers’ phones to our computers,” I was told, “but it’s probably not the cable. Why don’t you buy a new phone?” (and start a new contract).

I demurred, so finally the store tech told me that since I had insurance coverage, I should call the insurer and get a replacement phone. “Tell them the problem is a malfunctioning data port,” he said. So I did. More fool me. The insurance covers damage to the phone, not equipment malfunctions.

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The world’s most expensive alarm clock

Okay, I’ll just traipse to the nearest cafe with free wi-fi and use the laptop there whenever I need to research stuff on the Web, and ditch the phone altogether. I used to live a perfectly content life without a cellphone or Internet connection, so I should be able to do that again, I thought, despairingly. But the traipsing was inconvenient and the withdrawal symptoms too severe, so I finally gave in and went into a different Verizon store to look for a new phone to tether. I found one I really liked. “Oh, we don’t have them in stock; you’ll have to order it on the Internet.”

::Soured by Apple::

I walked out of there and half a block up the street to the Apple store. Perhaps I’ll get an iPad, I thought cheerfully. Sure, I’d have to get a connection plan as well, and wouldn’t have cellphone service, but What the hey! It was a bright sunny San Francisco day and I was feeling modern. Dozens of demo iPads were set up on tables and counters around the store, and scores of people were trying them out. Finally, one came free.

Luckily, the person standing at the iPad next to mine had been there for a while. It’s not like there were any assistants around to ask what the hell to do next with this slab of pretty glass lying on the counter in front of me. Where’s the home page icon? How do I look at more icons? Intuitive the iPad is not, unless you have a cellphone using the same sort of touchscreen technology.

Still, the screen is nice and large and the graphic keyboard surprisingly pleasant to use—though, again, I had to ask my neighbor how to get numbers. This old dog isn’t quite past being taught new tricks yet, I thought defensively as I warmed to the whole experience. Wotthehell! I’ll buy one! So I stood in line for five minutes until finally a sales assistant was free. “I’d like to buy the 3G version iPad,” I said. “Oh, we don’t keep those in stock,” she said, “You have to order them online.”

::ShATT upon by AT&T::

Time for the fallback position. I used to have DSL connected to my desktop computer at home, but ditched it in order to make ends meet when my pay was cut because of California’s budget shortfall last year. Yes! It’s all Governor Schwarzenegger’s fault, I thought consolingly, I’ll just call and get it switched back on again. After all I still have the modem hooked up and the connection software on the computer!

So I called AT&T. After trying first to sell me an iPhone, yes, iPhone—“It’s just like a computer”—the woman at AT&T said she’d have to look and see what Internet service was available in my area. “There’s only Uverse,” she said brightly, “We’ll come and install the equipment...” I didn’t let her finish but said, “No thanks,” wearily, and hung up. What a load of bullshit! All I needed was for a workorder to be created for my old service to be restarted.

Okay, so maybe the world has moved on in the past year and maybe she’s right, but how would I know? I’d have to go on the Internet to check it out.

::What I don’t understand::

Why isn’t broadband Internet access a public utility? Roughly 40 percent of the US population doesn’t have any, yet practically everything about modern life—including getting connected to the Internet—is predicated upon the assumption that people already have that access.

Even other media—like television, radio, and print newspapers—assume everyone has a connection, and they tailor their reporting/advertising accordingly, by referring their audiences to some www-or-other where you can find more information. How can a democracy survive where nearly half the population gets thrown bare bones, while “competition” in telecommunications is such a farce that customers are treated like their needs are not important?

--PEACE—

rosalea.barker@gmail.com

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