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Lyndon Hood: Brownlee Fighting To The Finnish

Brownlee Fighting To The Finnish

Satire by Lyndon Hood

Gerry Brownlee,
angry birds, Finland
Click for big version.

SCOOP: So this Finland thing...

GERRY BROWNLEE: Well it was meant to be humorous.

SCOOP: Humorous?

BROWNLEE: You know, a joke!

SCOOP: About what malnourished woman-hating murderers the Finns are?

BROWNLEE: No no no: based on what malnourished woman-hating murderers the Finns are, but about the Labour Party.

SCOOP: So...

BROWNLEE: Ha, ha, Labour Party. You'd have to be pretty Finnish not to see that it my comments were satirical.

SCOOP: So what do you mean by satirical?

BROWNLEE: Well, like, maybe something that was mean to be funny but it wasn't really. But with a core of truth.

SCOOP: And what core is that?

BROWNLEE: Well, there is a real country, called Finland.

SCOOP: Isn't satire forbidden in Parliament?

BROWNLEE: No, no it forbidden to use footage of Parliament for satire. It's like 'bringing Parliament into disrepute'. It's all right if it's just us doing it.

SCOOP: Okay. So, satire is often associated with the use of irony...

BROWNLEE: Irony. Yes, that's it, sorry. I was being ironic.

SCOOP: So what was the underlying meaning?

BROWNLEE: The who?

SCOOP: What were you actually trying to say, if you were being ironic about abusing Finland.

BROWNLEE: Can I have a clue?

SCOOP: Well was it, for example, an ironic commentary on parliamentarians and the kind of torture they put a factoid through once it enters the legislative chamber?

BROWNLEE: Oh, no. Well, obviously if you want to be all post-structural and examine it purely as a textual artefact without reference to the intentions of the author then it might be an excellent example of, of, what you said. But no, I was thinking of just generally ironic.

SCOOP: Like ten thousand spoons?

BROWNLEE: No thanks, I carry one with me.

SCOOP: By generally ironic you mean...

BROWNLEE: You know, like, 'ooh, look at me saying this'. (Makes finger-quotes:) "Oooh scary Finland."

SCOOP: Sort of postmodern irony.


SCOOP: So you basically didn't mean it.


SCOOP: You have to admit that basically you were – in Parliament, as leader of the House – exaggeratedly abusing the people of another country to score cheap political points.

BROWNLEE: Exactly! Clever, eh? Guess that's why I'm earning the big bucks and you're just writing made up interviews with politicians.

SCOOP: Are you sorry?

BROWNLEE: Well, I'd love to apologise for the Finns but I'm really not responsible for them.

SCOOP: Will you apologise to the Finnish government?

BROWNLEE: Well I'm sorry if they got offended. They don't need that on top of all their other troubles. Like having to live in Finland.

SCOOP: The Prime Minister has expressed his regrets to President of Finland.

BROWNLEE: Well I'm sorry about that too.

SCOOP: So do you think that should settle things?

BROWNLEE: Yes, I consider the matter Finnished. Ha ha. Just kidding. Love you guys.

SCOOP: Mr Brownlee, thank you.

BROWNLEE: Didn't mean to Nok-ya, Finland. Heh.


Got feedback? Leave a comment on Lyndon's blog!

You can follow @lyndonhood on Twitter.

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