A Little Q&A On Australia
Here are some of the classic questions that were actually asked of the Sydney Olympic Committee via their Web site, and the Aussie answers that go with them.
Q: Does it ever get windy in
Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the
plants grow? (UK)
A: Upwards, out of the ground, like the person who asked this question, who themselves will need watering if their IQ drops any lower.
Q: Will I be able
to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much beer you've consumed ...
Q: Which direction should I
drive - Perth to Darwin or Darwin to Perth - to avoid
driving with the sun in my eyes? (Germany)
A: Excellent question, considering that the Olympics are being held in Sydney.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I
follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, its' only three thousand miles, so you'll need to have started about a year ago to get there in time for this October ...
it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: And accomplish what?
Q: It is imperative that I
find the names and addresses of places to contact for a
stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
A: I'm not touching this one ...
Q: My client wants to take a steel pooper-scooper
into Australia. Willyou let her in? (South Africa)
A: Why? We do have toilet paper here...
Q: Can I bring
cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why bother? Use your fingers like the rest of us...
Q: Do you have perfume in
A: No. Everybody stinks.
tents exist in Australia? (Germany)
A: Yes, but only in sporting supply stores, peoples' garages, and most national parks...
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: This HAS to have been asked by a *****...
you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female
population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes. Gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas
in Australia? (France)
A: Yes. At Christmas.
Q: Can I
drive to the Great Barrier Reef? (Germany)
A: Sure, if your vehicle is amphibious.
Q: Are there killer bees in
A: Not yet, but we'll see what we can do when you get here.
Q: Can you give me some
information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: What's this guy smoking, and where do I get some?
there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year
A: Another *****?
Q: Please send a
list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense
rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: I love this one...there are no rattlesnakes in Australia.
Q: Which direction is North
in Australia? (USA)
A: Face North and you should be about right.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir
A: Americans have long had considerable trouble distinguishing between Austria and Australia.
Are there places in Australia where you can make love
A: Yes. Outdoors.
Q: Will I be able
to speek English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
" Human beings, who are
almost unique in having the ability to learn
from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent
disinclination to do so."
Anonymous cochroach in the cracks