"Just get over it - I LIKE my friends!"

"Just get over it - I LIKE my friends!"

Navigating through the preteen years of choosing the right friends - as seen in Family Times

Peer pressure has been the subject of many debates, research pieces and parent headaches since.forever. The reality is that this only becomes an issue when preteens, and teens themselves willingly choose to hang out with specific "friends".

Coming up to summer, this is the time when most preteens will start hanging out with friends they've developed over the year at school, and perhaps outside of it. By now, your preteen would have already found ways of how to make friends; whether it's a compliment about what they're wearing, common hate for a classmate (trust me, it doesn't end at primary school) or a common interest, friendships during this age start very quickly, so here are just a few ways of how you as a parent can mitigate possible friendship disasters before they start.

Revise Who They Hang Out With Now
Be open to invite your preteen's friends over to your place. What happens is, once a preteen is given that option, they will subconsciously re-assess how comfortable they are with having these friends come home. If they are not comfortable with the idea, this should be a warning sign for you, and may come as a warning sign for them. If they flat out refuse, it's worth it to have a chat about why this is not the case which can trigger them to re-think their friendships.

Online Friends
Always be careful with this - if they have a friend they met online that they are meeting, go along with them, even if you're just dropping them off to make sure they are safe. Always suggest that they meet in a public place.

Teach
The biggest thing you can do is talk to your preteen about what actually makes a good friendship. Take examples out of your own life, and what constituted a good friendship for you. It will start to get them thinking about what exactly they may want in a friendship and what they should be looking for in friends.

Be Observant
The biggest tell-tale sign of bad friends is a change of attitude in your preteen. While not to be confused with the rocky teen years, preteens are vulnerable to having their friends' attitudes shape their personality. This is a big warning sign so be observant, and talk to them about why the sudden change.

If You Don't Like Their Friends
Don't be too quick to judge, but offer some insights or observations about why you don't think their friends are good for them. It may be a misjudgment on your part so be aware of that, but if it's not, they will remember what you said later down the track, and hopefully this will give them the best foundation to listen to your judgment in future. Don't stay silent, but don't keep digging at it either.

About Eva-Maria
Young inter-generational relationships and social media expert Eva-Maria is on a mission to help improve 10,000,000 adult-teenager relationships around the world. She is the author of the bestselling 'You Shut Up!' and sequel 'Shush, You!', travelling regularly around New Zealand, Australia and Russia coaching families, running workshops and speaking at conferences and events to groups, schools, parents and corporates about the importance of inter-generational relationships and youth in the workforce, offering the understanding from 'the other side'. www.eva-maria.co.nz

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