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Parliament Must Stockpile Tennis-Ball Vaccine

Parliament Must Stockpile an Anti-Tennis-Ball Vaccine

Satire by Lyndon Hood


Click for big version

Over recent weeks the public has become more and more aware of a major risk. One that threatens the stability of our country. One that stikes unexpectedly and leaves the helpless victim - though he might not know it for months - as good as dead.

It has already shown its potential to attack the highest levels of state. If it strikes again, our country could be left leaderless in the midst of a crisis.

We must ask: is our Government doing enough to fight tennis-ball related accusations?

Some may blithely insist that it has only affected one person. But his associates have already displayed at least one of his early symptoms - saying impolitic things about it in Parliament. Since the accusations can incubate for more than two decades, we may already be in the grip of an epidemic.

We must vaccinate our leaders at once!

We cannot leave this to fester. Events have already shown that if we ignore it, it will not go away.

The contagion will be more difficult to contain because it is transmitted instantly over great distances by the media. Unlike, for example, assumptions about any man being a potential predator, which thrive in closely-packed, closed environments such as aircraft.

The revelation that the police believe there is a case to answer has made the allegations even more virulent. But the absence of the police report - containing actual evidence and a description of the investigation - they have been too vague to combat by usual scientific means.

Worse - the usual methods may not work. This class of accusation - historical - arises easily but if famously difficult to combat. One accepted approach is carefully examining the allegations in themselves and how they arose. Another is deliberately seeking people or evidence that should corroborate the allegations but don't. Another is assessing their inherent credibility.

These specifics are employed only rarely and often have little or no effect.

So now we are unprepared, with the first allegation expect to emerge in its evidential form at any moment.

This will make it even deadlier, and delay it though we may, we are unprepared.

However, even if the evidence shows the allegation is obvious true, they still may be combated by the right treatment. After a convalescence of perhaps a little less than three years, the patient could recover almost completely

The report into Waiouru Camp has demonstrated that an surfeit of evidence - even if it does come mostly from people who came forward specifically to complain - can in fact make accusations, if not less damning, at least a little more boring for the public.

And it might, for instance, be found that there was no 'culture of abuse'.

However, for the sake of future prevention, I urge that we develop a vaccine. I urgently require financial and legislative support for this important research, which has been stalled at a vital stage.

Unfortunately, trials have not been approved.

*******

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