Mary Pitt: Straight Talk From Cowboy Country
Straight Talk From Cowboy Country
by Mary Pitt
For God's sake, Mr. President, just TALK to the man! Ever since you "took" the office of the presidency of the United States, the president of North Korea has been asking to talk to you and you have refused. Bill Clinton talked to him, learned what the needs of that nation were, and agreed to fulfill some of those needs in return for some concessions by North Korea. You came in with a roar, totally ignoring the Clinton agreement, then naming Iraq, Iran, and North Korea the Axis of Evil, and insulting Kim Il Jung as being a "pigmy". Time after time, Kim has asked to talk to you and each time, you have ignored and refused that request.
It's not that you have an aversion to speech! You are no threat to the ownership of President Coolidge's nickname of "Silent Cal". We can't turn on the television set without seeing your face and hearing your mouth flapping. Maybe the reason you won't talk to President Kim or Ahmedinijad or Chavez is because you think they might actually expect you to listen to them rather than calling them names or issuing ultimatums. But you claim to be a Texan and any Texas will tell you that "talk is cheap" and 'it don't cost nothin' to hear a man out".
These precious United States of America which you profess to want to protect and keep safe cannot go strutting around the world, threatening one and all and pissin' off everybody everywhere without coming out with a black eye. Sooner or later one of those guys is going to land a lucky punch and we will end up on the barroom floor. You scared the hell out of Kim with that Axis of Evil stuff and he started barring the door and loading his six-shooter. You backed him into a corner without any reason and he's getting ready to give us his best shot. Maybe you're right. Maybe he is nothing but a little rat but any real Texan will tell you that a rat can give you one booger of a bite that sometimes leaves you with a terminal case of rabies. And if you corner a whole pack of them at once, you're just cruisin' for a hard time.
What's wrong with a little common sense? If you can talk to these ole boys, give a them little Texas sunshine and maybe a crust of bread or two, you just might send them home happy and you'll have a herd of tame rats that you can turn loose on the next guy that gets on your case. Get down off your high horse and give those boys a chance to air their gripes and tell you what they really want. That's all they want and it won't cost nothin' to listen to them. You may find that they're just as scared of you as you are of them and you just might end up with a wider circle of friend. It's what they call "diplomacy" and one of the reasons why the whole world has not yet been blown all to hell to end up being another cloud of cosmic gas.
If you don't settle down and try to talk to these good ole boys, maybe you should find the four of you locked in a room with nobody but your interpreters, each with one arm hancuffed to the arm of his chair, leaving one free to hold a longneck bottle, and kept there until you reach some sort of understanding as to just how petty your personal differences are compared to the welfare of the whole world. If that doesn't work, we could try following Mark Twain's advice and put the lot of you into an arena in your under-drawers and let you duke it out in front of God and everybody. Whatever it takes to keep you arrogant fools from blowing up the whole danged world just to prove whose is biggest!
However, a word of advice might be in order. Don't take too long to reach agreement. With the four of you locked up, the people of the world just might find that the peace and harmony so nice that they simply forget to unlock the door!