“Where Did All This Hate Come From?”

Monday, 22 December 2025, 11:55 am
Opinion: Martin LeFevre - Meditations

During a casual conversation with someone in town recently, a fellow rhetorically but passionately asked: “Where did all this hate come from?” I don’t recall his name, but the question has been reverberating within me.

We have the idea that if we can explain the origins of something, we can end it. That has some validity, but it’s essentially misleading. An accurate explanation doesn’t confer a change of heart.

That truth was brought home to me in an extraordinarily disturbing confrontation with a neighbor.

The couple in back has two young children and the loudest Labrador I’ve ever heard. Their house was built with the roofline horizontal to the street, so their living room window, and a big white wall, faces my backyard. When the dog barks, which it does continuously when they’re not home, and sometimes when they are, the noise echoes into the house.

They rise early with the kids, and I often rise late after being up late researching and writing for my next column. One fateful week, the dog woke me every morning before 7. After a week of the howling beginning my day, I opened the blinds to see what was going on.

The young father was standing at the corner of his patio facing my bedroom window. The moment I opened the blinds, he gave me the finger.

I had my morning tea, and when I was as calm as I could be, I got on the bike and rode around the block.

The guy was sitting on the front step with his golf clubs next to him. “We knew you’d be here,” he said in a superior, malicious tone. Thirty years younger than me, and considerably fitter, the thought of a physical confrontation foolishly hadn’t crossed my mind.

I indignantly asked, what is this, a set-up?

“Yes,” came the immediate reply. “You’re more than liberal. I’m going to kill you and do 50 years in prison.”

My nervousness instantly gave way to the absurd enormity of his words. He got up and began to pace up and down his driveway, as I stood motionless at the curb.

I replied, are you out of your mind? You have two young children. What’s your name?

For some inexplicable reason, I wasn’t afraid, or even angry. Just astounded, and very still and focused.

We had met once before but I couldn’t recall his two-initial name. I asked again, and he said, “stud-muffin.”

That sounds about right, I said, and asked again. I wasn’t reacting, simply responding. Shake my hand, I said. He refused. I said it again.

This time he stepped forward and I saw what he was going to do. My pricky brother-in-law did it to me once.

If you go to grab a guy’s hand, but back off a bit and grab his knuckles, you can bring even the strongest man to his knees as you squeeze.

I reached in and grabbed his full hand.

The young golfer was still confident his grip would hurt the older guy. But I squeeze a tennis ball every night due to a bit of arthritis, and I knew it wouldn’t work. I had a few inches of height on him (as well as a few extra pounds, though I was fairly fit), and stood to my full height as I straddled the bike.

When he squeezed my hand, I squeezed just a little harder. Not to dominate him, or out of a competitive, hand-shaking pissing contest, but simply to show him that his threat and bluster weren’t going to work.

Beyond the rush of adrenaline, I had the feeling of a greater energy flowing through me. In fact, it didn’t feel it was coming from ‘me’ at all, but was like an electrical current flowing through me.

He tried a couple more times to out-squeeze my hand as I looked directly into his eyes. Suddenly his eyes got big, and gave his name, CJ, and said, “You know, if I met you in a bar I think I’d like you.”

That’s the whole point, I said. I don’t know you and you don’t know me. We’re neighbors, and we’re not going to hate each other.

A week later it was Christmas. The dog had stopped barking continuously. CJ called over the fence, “Merry Christmas, Martin.”

It was the only time in my life that someone threatened my life. It taught me that the hate that runs rampant through this land can be met with clarity and strength, and be dissolved one person at a time.

Martin LeFevre

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Martin LeFevre - Meditations

Scoop Contributor

Martin LeFevre is a contemplative and philosopher.

His sui generis “Meditations” explore spiritual, philosophical and political questions relating to the polycrisis facing humanity.

lefevremartin77@gmail