Book Reviews | Gordon Campbell | News Flashes | Scoop Features | Scoop Video | Strange & Bizarre | Search

 


Lyndon Hood: Satirist 'Apologises' to Howard

Satirist 'Apologises' to Howard


(Satire) By Lyndon Hood


An example of the sort of Image this satirist will no longer be making

Scoop's resident Satirist today issued a belated apology to Australian Prime Minister John Howard for writing a column titled " Howard Demands Emergency Anti-Wolf Legislation ". The article made childish jests towards Mr Howard's recent announcement of urgent terror threats.

"The time has come to end the silence. I did not wish to imply that there were no terrorists in Australia," said the Satirist, "To anyone left with that impression, I apologise unreservedly.

"I did suggest that Howard may have been exaggerating a real threat - and that the public had no convincing way to tell whether he was or not. But I had forgotten that it is not possible to exaggerate the threat of terrorism. We must carefully and publicly examine every suspected terrorist incident, especially now when people are in the streets protesting the anti-union bills.

"Thanks to diligent work by Australian security forces, and apparently," he said through clenched teeth, "this new legislation, we have arrests in what appears to be a serious terrorist plot. Of course, if I were a terrorist, I would choose my target before acquiring my explosives. Oh well, I suppose it takes all sorts. Anyway, I look forward to all the facts coming out in a fair and public trial."

The Satirist then paused to wipe a drop of bile from the corner of his mouth.

"I have learned my lesson. From now on I will not oppose any Government passing legislation with minimal debate for reasons they refuse to make public. No matter how suspicious the circumstances or how slippery the toad drafting the bills. In fact, I will encourage it.

"Legal tradition teaches us that passing a law on the basis of a single case in order to arrest a specific group of people is just the kind of thing we should all get in behind.

"And now, Howard must pass the rest of his anti-terrorism package, especially the draconian bits, without any further examination. Recent events in Australia prove this. For some reason that escapes me right now.

"Also, he should get to pass his employment legislation. Just because he's such a nice man.

"I agree that law enforcement agencies should be granted whatever powers they say they need. I also encourage loyal citizens to stay at home with their hands clearly visible from now on, to make the security force's job that much easier.

"In short, I am sorry I said the things I did, and I look forward to the full anti-terrorism package being passed so that nobody will be allowed to say such things again."

The Satirist was then led back to his enclosure, howling mournfully.

*************

fightingtalk.blogspot.com
homepages.ihug.co.nz/~lghood/

© Scoop Media

 
 
 
 
 
Top Scoops Headlines

 

Werewolf: Living With Rio’s Olympic Ruins

Mariana Cavalcanti Critics of the Olympic project can point a discernible pattern in the delivery of Olympics-related urban interventions: the belated but rushed inaugurations of faulty and/or unfinished infrastructures... More>>

Live Blog On Now: Open Source//Open Society Conference

The second annual Open Source Open Society Conference is a 2 day event taking place on 22-23 August 2016 at Michael Fowler Centre in Wellington… Scoop is hosting a live blog summarising the key points of this exciting conference. More>>

ALSO:

Buildup:

Gordon Campbell: On The Politicising Of The War On Drugs In Sport

It hasn’t been much fun at all to see how “war on drugs in sport” has become a proxy version of the Cold War, fixated on Russia. This weekend’s banning of the Russian long jumper Darya Klishina took that fixation to fresh extremes. More>>

ALSO:

Binoy Kampmark: Kevin Rudd’s Failed UN Secretary General Bid

Few sights are sadder in international diplomacy than seeing an aging figure desperate for honours. In a desperate effort to net them, he scurries around, cultivating, prodding, wishing to be noted. Finally, such an honour is netted, in all likelihood just to shut that overly keen individual up. More>>

Open Source / Open Society: The Scoop Foundation - An Open Model For NZ Media

Access to accurate, relevant and timely information is a crucial aspect of an open and transparent society. However, in our digital society information is in a state of flux with every aspect of its creation, delivery and consumption undergoing profound redefinition... More>>

Keeping Out The Vote: Gordon Campbell On The US Elections

I’ll focus here on just two ways that dis-enfranchisement is currently occurring in the US: (a) by the rigging of the boundary lines for voter districts and (b) by demanding elaborate photo IDs before people are allowed to cast their vote. More>>

Ramzy Baroud: Being Black Palestinian - Solidarity As A Welcome Pathology

It should come as no surprise that the loudest international solidarity that accompanied the continued spate of the killing of Black Americans comes from Palestine; that books have already been written and published by Palestinians about the plight of their Black brethren. In fact, that solidarity is mutual. More>>

ALSO:


Get More From Scoop

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Top Scoops
Search Scoop  
 
 
Powered by Vodafone
NZ independent news