Open Letter to John Key from Kiwi Mum & Dad Investors Inc.
To: The Right Honourable John Key, Prime
Minister and CEO of New Zealand
From: Kiwi Mum & Dad Investors Incorporated
It has come to our attention that you are selling up to 49 percent of New Zealand’s core power infrastructure assets. Furthermore, you have repeatedly specified your preference for shares in these assets to be sold to “Kiwi mum and dad investors.” As our company name is Kiwi Mum & Dad Investors, Inc (and it’s not as though you can restrict who buys shares on the open market,) we believe that we are ideally placed to purchase these shares.
Our company is a wholly owned subsidiary of Multi National Group LLC, based in Brunei. We believe that, should you accept our offer, Kiwi Mum & Dad Investors Inc will be ideally placed to on-sell these shares to, well, anyone (or liquidate asset core infrastructure) for a quick buck. We wholeheartedly endorse your ideological drive to get government out the business of holding assets in trust for all New Zealanders, preferring to submit them to the blind vagaries of the market. We appreciate that you, as a former investment banker and currency trader, will understand the importance of buying low and then getting the hell out. That’s what we propose to do.
At this stage we are prepared to offer up to $100 for 49 percent of New Zealand’s energy infrastructure, but we are open to negotiation.
We anticipate your prompt reply.
Kiwi Mum & Dad Investors Incorporated
This open letter was prepared by the Munistry of Social Development.