Scoop has an Ethical Paywall
License needed for work use Register
Top Scoops

Book Reviews | Gordon Campbell | Scoop News | Wellington Scoop | Community Scoop | Search


Election 2014 - the day after

Election 2014 - the day after

by Don Franks

Cannonballed from a fiery red dawn,the triumphant golden sun bestrode the heavens, beaming benign radiance over all, clear crystal drops of dew winked back merrily, a dawn chorus of previously endangered native birds burst gloriously into song. Their tones blended with the cheery chatter of safe happy well fed children. All the bright clear morning shone with new hope and promise.

Already doors were being flung open in the streets. With tears in their eyes, joyous cheering workers emerged to embrace one another, before setting off to put big deposits on the large warm houses they could now all afford. Sturdy young lads and lasses confidently strode in the direction of the universities, to complete their government funded degrees prior to taking up well paid secure interesting jobs.

Across town, leaves of formerly leafier suburbs were already turning bitter brown. White with anger, John Key flung his laptop at the nearest chandelier, trembling uncontrolably with impotent rage.
"We so nearly had it all" he wept. "We were on the brink of inflicting the most ghastly social deprivation since Genghis Khan. Wage cuts for every manual worker, wholesale hospital closures, destruction of all public transport, we could have achieved all that and more but for those Labour bastards. But for them we might have become world leaders in brutal gratuitous cruelty."

Paula Bennet quietly sobbed into her silken hanky, thinking of the new beneficiary torturing equipment she could no longer start using. Thumbscrews to gain confessions of undeclared income, the rack for those giving up after their hundredth job application, the ducking stool for all complainants. All now,never to be.

Advertisement - scroll to continue reading

Are you getting our free newsletter?

Subscribe to Scoop’s 'The Catch Up' our free weekly newsletter sent to your inbox every Monday with stories from across our network.

Gerry Brownlee bemoaned his thwarted scheme to shoot the homeless of Christchurch and Bill English rued the missed chance to tax poor kids pocket money. They were not a happy lot.


Startled into sudden wakefulness by the cat on the bed, David blinked and awakened from his lovely dream. The last image of a dejected John Key faded, in the way of such dreams it was already evaporating fast, displaced now almost entirely by David's after party hangover.

Yet, all was not lost. Blinking again and pinching himself hard, David recalled that he had, somehow, against all the overwhellming odds, actually won.

He glanced over at the two sets of speech notes by the bed. Before screwing it up, David winced at the headings of Plan B. "Full credit to the opposition", "We gave it 100%", "Democracy was the winner". "Already in campaign mode for 2017"

Plan A he mulled over, tasting the words he was soon to broadcast: " Three years won't be enough" " The mess left by National is much worse than we'd expected" "First we all need to grow a surplus"...

Beside him, Karen stirred sleepily. " David, how about we go out to breakfast and celebrate somewhere with a Latte- sorry- I mean with a sausage Mcmuffin"

David bounced out of bed: "Great idea, let's do it.
Just give me a minute before we head off. I've got a pension age entitlement to raise."


© Scoop Media

Advertisement - scroll to continue reading
Top Scoops Headlines


Dunne's Weekly: Rot In The Australian Civil Service

ew National MP James Meagher broke the long-standing convention that Maiden Speeches should be non-controversial. His speech not only raised a few eyebrows but also would have struck some raw nerves.
Meagher described himself as a "walking contradiction" – “a part-Māori boy raised in a state house by a single parent on the benefit. Now a proud National Party MP... More

Binoy Kampmark: Rot In The Australian Civil Service

There is no better example of Australia’s politicised public service than its Home Affairs Secretary, Mike Pezzullo. In most other countries, he would have been the ideal conspirator in a coup, a tittletattler in the ranks, and bound to brief against those he did not like. Give him a dagger, and he was bound to use it... More

Binoy Kampmark: Accidents Of Eccentricity: Israel’s Pacific Hold

Cunning, subtle, understated. Israeli policy in the Pacific has seen United Nations votes cast in its favour, the foreign policies of certain countries adjusted, and favours switched. While China may be considered the big, threatening beast competing alongside that large, clumsy figure called the United States, the small state of Israel is directing its expertise, and charm, in very specific ways in the Indo-Pacific... More

Ramzy Baroud: The Palestinian Cause Belongs To The World

Once upon a time, the ‘Arab-Israeli Conflict’ was between Arabs & Israelis. Over the course of many years, however, it has been rebranded. The media is now telling us it is a ‘Hamas-Israeli Conflict.’ But what went wrong? Israel simply became too powerful... More


Join Our Free Newsletter

Subscribe to Scoop’s 'The Catch Up' our free weekly newsletter sent to your inbox every Monday with stories from across our network.