Tripitaka Denies Corn Chip Accusations!!!
Correctives: Tripitaka Denies Corn Chip and Ch*c*l*t*
"Eeek, boing!!!" Sister Myocardial Infarcta
said today, as her suspension from the Corrective Party
organisation led to a massive display of nun chucking.
Audibility General Office is still evaluating whether or not
Ms Tripitaka Adelie-Penguin is guilty of misleading the
public over her links to a charity trying to wean penguins
off their damaging addictions to corn chips and ch*c*l*t*.
Ms. Adelie-Penguin is alleged to have used the money to buy
a stapler for protection against disgruntled SM nuns who
were once dominatrixes of the party before its surprise
entry into Parliament by the back door at the last
"This is a diversionary tactic, and prevents me
from making witty comments about ARF New Zealand and the
fact that Belladonna Aokautere-Ropata is being dogged by
falsie accusations from flatulent fangbearers who should be
banned under the Dog Control Act. Hmmm, come to think of it,
I just did."
© Scoop Media
PM's Statement: Deadly Eruption Of Whakaari / White Island
At this stage, we can confirm that amongst those currently listed as missing or injured are New Zealanders who were part of the tour operation, and tourists from Australia, the United States, the United Kingdom, China and Malaysia. That is to the best of our knowledge.
To those who have lost or are missing family and friends, we share in your unfathomable grief at this moment in time, and in your sorrow. Your loved ones stood alongside kiwis who were hosting you here. We grieve with you, and we grieve with them... More>>
Police Update: Work Continues On Recovery; Clarification On Investigation
Police has been working with Defence and Fire and Emergency NZ (FENZ) to determine conditions on the island including gas levels in the atmosphere, so that we can understand the nature of the current conditions...
Police can also confirm we have commenced an investigation into the circumstances of the deaths and injuries on Whakaari / White Island... To correct an earlier statement, it is too early to confirm whether there will also be a criminal investigation. More>>
Gordon Campbell: On The Eruption And Tourism Safety
Adventure tourism is a central theme in New Zealand tourism, and by definition, adventure always includes a certain level of risk. That said, New Zealand itself is also at risk of being seen as a tourism destination where commercial factors – rather than safety factors – are routinely allowed to determine the point where the boundary line of acceptable risk is being drawn. More>>