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2012 In Lyndon Hoods: Satire & Images |
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Satire, editorial images and the occasion piece of non-news from The Year Of All The People In The News Basically Being A Bit Useless.
Except Keith Ng. He's cool.
January
February
March
April
May
June
July
August
September
October
November
December
As part of worldwide action against Megaupload.com, police raid Kim Dotcom's Coatesville mansion, making arrests and seizing property. "Well that went rather well: sorted," police sources report.
Prime Minister John Key proposes 'keeping things interesting' with a year-long game of Tory Roulette, where National ministers take turns shooting their mouth off.
10/1/12: 2011 In Lyndon Hoods: Satire, Pics, And News In Review For those of you who weren't paying attention: 2011 in satire, images and coverage of some of the less official kind of news. More>>
Local youths pay agreed price for scalped tickets to Homegrown but look very sad when they discover the deal also involves having to meet Trevor Mallard.
First of the year's series of welfare reform announcements. Like the upcoming public service targets, these will be announced again at every opportunity.
In Australia, Rudd challenge to Gillard's leadership "destabilises" Labor Party. David Cunliffe looks on, thoughtfully stroking whatever facial hair he was wearing at the time.
James Cameron purchases "immersive 3d" farm in the Wairarapa.
Urewera verdict: After video evidence – which police maintain they thought was legal – was thrown out by courts, remain accussed convicted of... I forget. Shoplifting or something.
In related news, police pretty sure 'Teapot Tapes' were illegal but aren't game to try and prove it.
Asked whether advising public servants who might be about to be fired to get a pet is a good idea, John Key says his cat gives him "unconditional love". PM's obvious misjudgment of cat psychology believed to be main cause of slow fall in National's polling over the year.
In between offending All Of Christchurch, Gerry Brownlee has a go at Finland.
Ongoing efforts to improve our already excellent education system by improting elements for other education systems that are worse.
This month's abrogation of Chirstchurch democracy to do with control of the inner city rebuild.
English threatens finance minister's veto of paid parental leave member's bill while sitting on throne of human skulls stroking white cat and giggling about the doctrine of parliamentary supremacy.
Not to be outdone by the government, Labour MP David Parker offends Mexico.
Nation grabs popcorn as words "Banks" and "Dotcom" appear in the same headline.
I went on holiday. There was probably a budget or something.
Education Minister Hekia Parata backs down on plan to increase class sizes. This 'changing your mind and doing something sensible' thing was not the start of a trend.
Backbencher fire catches fire. Which was the start of a trend.
ACC cultured called into question after revelations staff were offered a bounty for the severed heads of potential applicants.
From The Hood: Eurorecovery
Made Easy
With the European economy
teetering on a knife edge – in fact, on the day after
François Hollande’s election as President had changed the
game in France – your correspondent took a flight to
Spain. By the measures international finance uses to compare
European countries, Spain rates poorly. Yet being ranked at
the bottom of these economic league tables has,
inexplicably, failed to fix it.
What I saw when I arrived
in Andalusia, one of the poorest provinces of this financial
flashpoint, can best be summed up with two words: tourist
attractions. More>>
Key plans to ignore Waitangi Tribunal water ruling, not read police report into John Banks electoral allegations. Will maintain rule of law by building a bunch of big roads.
Following Scott Guy murder trial, Law Commission back public calls for trial by media to beome standard.
NZ wins gold in calculating-a-medal-table-where-we-come-out-on-top Olympiad.
Paula Bennett insists she was justified in releasing beneficiaries' private information, applies for asylum at Ecuadorian embassy.
Same sex marriage bill first reading goes fabulously.
Novopay school payroll system introduced nationwide after trials show it only caused a small volcanic eruption.
Key refuses to read
banks report, ask Banks.
Welfare obligations immunisation
ece
Dotcom case reveals the GCSB has trouble telling who it's allowed to spy on. Which is, like, the one thing we ask them to do.
John Key refuses to fire John Banks, accepting the Act leader's assurance that his uranium enrichment programme is for peaceful purposes.
Canterbury regional elections postponed until at least 2016. NZ Government imposes high-level sanctions against Canterbury interim regime, cuts off military ties.
From
The Hood : Poor Show
One evening
last week I was taking my constitutional when I happened
upon one of those impoverished children I keep hearing
of.
“Oh, hello! What have we here?” I
exclaimed.
“Evening, Guv’nor.” the child replied.
(Those may not have been the exact words, I wasn’t really
listening.) More>>
Dotcom
Indeminity
DISSOLVE TO: ENGLISH'S OFFICE -
(NIGHT)
The desk lamp is still lighted. Outside the
windows, the dawn is slowly breaking.
English is still
clutching the dictaphone. There are eight or nine used
memory cards on the desk beside him. A widening stain of
leaking credibility shows on the left shoulder of his
jacket. He is very weak by now, and his voice holds a note
of utter exhaustion. More>>
Christchurch Council votes to repair town hall. Earthquake recovery minister Gerry Brownlee describes decision as "proof Canterbury is still too democratic".
Russel Norman blows chances at politician of the year by proposing 'quantative easing'. Major economies might be trying it, but printing more money is a difficult to sell to press gallery because it is economically unorthodox (ie something National says it wouldn't do). And also because writing "quantatative" by accident is embarassing.
Blogger/journalist/illuminatus/nerdcenary Keith Ng reveals Work and Income data kiosk security lacks the 'security' bit.
John Key visits Hollywood. This may have been to do with promoting NZ as a film destination and also the film industry lobbying over copyright arrangements, but unfortunately someone mentioned Kim Dotcom at one point and the Prime Minister forgot the whole thing, so we'll never know.
Ongoing effort to stop the government building roads that cost more than they benefit makes progress, but only at walking pace.
Werewolf
35: From The Hood - Qui, Jean, Ou Est La
Growth?
n the castle of the most noble
Baron of Planetki lived a Youth whom nature had endowed with
a most amiable disposition. The old servants of the house
suspected him to have been the production of a forbidden
liaison between the Baron’s sister (a too-passionate
conservative) and a liberal member of the local gentry who
(the door and the window being secured) had, so the story
went, got into her bedroom using the third way.
The Tutor
to the children of the castle taught
neo-incrimental-postideological-frogboiling-conservatism,
and could demonstrate by assertion that Planetki was the
best-governed of all possible estates and the Baron’s
polices the most sensible of all possible policies (all of
which were likely to achieve their claimed intention)… More>>
Kate Wilkinson resigns as Labour Minister following Pike River report. Combined with Nick Smith's earlier resignation, this set the bar worryingly low, prompting speculation that in future ministers may be forced to resign in any situation where a resignation is appropriate.
Exactly in line with statistician Nate Silver's predictions, US re-elects statistician Nate Silver as President.
David Cunliffee erupts, causing minor damage a much interest among sightseers.
Prime Minister makes casual joke about radio hosts "gay red top", is atonished anybody takes offence. In honour of launch of The Hobbit, John Key trolled the entire country.
Christ Church Cathedral demolition halted amid arguments about whether you can really call to 'deconstruction' when (even leaving aside the technical meaning in Postmodernism) that makes it sound like you're disassembling the building when actually you're smashing it to bits.
In the lead up to Doha climate negotiations, NZ amends the ETS (which now will have us giving away more emissions credits free in 2050 than the target we claim to be aiming for) and declines to join phase two of the Kyoto protocol. NZ prefers to be where the action is, in a new, partly imaginary scheme including China and the US. So it's really where the inaction is, which apparently suit NZ's national and international interest to a T. In honour of launch of The Hobbit, New Zealand trolled the entire planet.
Bloody fingerprints on Bain compensation report implicate Justice Minister Judith Collins.
Petrol tax hike provides important data point on government psychology: highways are revealed to be more important than tax cuts.
Christopher Finlayson widely touted as 'politician of the year' based on a series of successful treaty settlements and his ability – unique on National's front bench – to only say smugly vicious and unhelpful things about people nobody really seems to care about.
Widely misunderstood Mayan apocalypse actually relates to the prophesied moment when the time it takes for something to become retro reached zero.
The Prime Minister of New Zealand danced gangnam style twice in one morning and had a fake gay wedding but was too busy that day to answer questions about the resignation of the Secretary for Education. That's an actual thing that really happened.
I have nothing to add.
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