Bill And Jenny Off To Golf Today While Apec Crumbles & Timor Burns

With APEC crumbling around them, and East Timor in crisis, the formal APEC meetings continue to insulate themselves from the real world. Ignoring all social, environmental and political concerns which do not fit into APEC’s narrow economic agenda, Bill Clinton and Jenny Shipley are off to play a round of golf this afternoon.

Flanked by Secret Service agents, the esteemed Leaders of the US and New Zealand “economies” will proceed on foot past the Town Hall and the APEC TaskForce Office at Cigna House, Queen St, where they will pause for a photo-opportunity at 3.30 pm on their downtown walkabout en route for the Domain.

“The best thing to come out of APEC is that I will get to play golf at New Zealand taxpayers’ expense. I get such a power rush knowing that I will cause Auckland to grind to a halt whenever I want to swing my clubs,” says President Clinton.

“APEC Means Business. Big business. But it also means golf. Lots of golf,” added Mrs Shipley.

“Whenever pesky political and economic commentators question whether APEC is anything more than a free trade gabfest going nowhere fast, our spindoctors set up photo-ops down on the golf course,” she says.

“We hope that by waving at the cameras we will reassure the broader Asia-Pacific community that APEC Leaders really don’t give a damn about the lives of people throughout the region. We’re too busy playing footsie with big business”.

She would not comment on speculation that she was in fact a male anti-APEC activist dressed as a woman.

But, she did confide: “APEC is the real DRAG”.

Secret Service Officers “A” “J” and “D” will accompany President Clinton and Prime Minister Shipley on their walkby. They are neither able to confirm nor deny their actual identities nor their golf handicaps.

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