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2011 in Lyndon Hoods: Satire, Pics, and News in Review

For those of you who weren't paying attention: 2011 in satire, editorial images and coverage of some of the less official kind of news.




2010 In Revue

January: Tax working groups suggests moving the nation away from wild-consumer-spending consumption, towards Edwardian-waif-dying-picturesquely-while-coughing-up-bloody-mucus consumption. Amid rumours Attorney-General Chris Finlayson seems ‘a bit down’, National MPs begin planning bills he can issue damning Bill of Rights reports against. That always perks him up.




Sealing The Mine And Throwing Away The Key

We were waiting a while for John Key to hold a press conference on the Pike River announcement, so we got bored and made up our own.

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KEY: Hullo!

PRESS: Has your Government had anything to do with the decision to cease the rescue operation?

K: Yeah, nah.

P: You do understand that the families would like to bury their loved ones?

K: Of course I do. And it's been hard for us too. There's tonnes and tonnes of coal trapped down there. Gerry's been distraught.


solid energy,
lignite, coal, pollution
Coal Action Network slams lignite plans



“John Key PM” Wins 2011 Walters Prize For Modern Art

In a move that has already provoked controversy, John Key has been awarded the 2011 Walters Prize for his work “Prime Minister of New Zealand”. Political performance art is usually frowned on by the establishment and some have claimed the award was based solely on public popularity.


Egypt hieroglyph twitter
Click for big version

Gordon Campbell: On Mubarak’s divide and rule tactics

carrot, stick, social
welfare, corporate welfare
Cover image for Werewolf 20 - Ten Myths About Welfare.
A variation on an old image.

smiley face
Online advertising in NZ overtakes the $250m mark in 2010

middle east,
dominoes, domino effect, Yemen, Algeria, Bahrain, Egypt,
Click for big version

Paul Buchanan: Middle Eastern Transitions - A Skeptic's View

Wellington Sevens parade, sevens costumes,
French, French maids
Click for big version

Costumes On, Floats Ready – Sevens Parade Preshow Photos
See also 2011 Sevens Costumes: Part II, 2011 Sevens Costumes Photos: Part III, 2011 Wellington Sevens Costumes: Part IV

Guerilla Sculpture rock stack street art Wellington
Click for big version

Spotted in Wellington: Guerilla Sculpture?

john key, let them eat cake, lazy
Click for big version.

John Minto: What Right Has John Key To Lecture The Poor

Science Media Centre says:
don't have a cow about it.
Click for big version.

Meat 'gassing' - what are the facts?

working group, modest proposal
Gordon Campbell: On the Welfare Working Group final report



You Have Been Mooned

Am I the only one with this frame of mind? The one that treats a statement like “there’s nothing funny about the earthquake” as a challenge to my capacity for irreverence?


Act Vs The Foreshore Bill: A Tale Of 119 Whales

After the misfiring of the ACT Party's attempt to delay the Marine and Coastal Area (Takutai Moana) Bill by extending question time, it seems fair that Scoop should share some notes on a previous effort.

During the committee stage of the bill, ACT MP Hilary Calvert proposed an intimidating list of amendments with the claimed intent to "to better reflect the intent of the Bill" (rather than, for example to delay it).

The majority of them were 119 proposed additions to clause 52, which relates to the treatment of stranded marine mammals. Each amendment sought to introduce, as subclause (1A), a specific reference to a different kind of whale, dolphin, seal, manatee or what have you.


Christchurch earthquake vigil - Two minutes
silence in Civic Square, Wellington
Click for big version

Scoop Images: Two Minute Silence At Civic Square

is there
some way of measuring the colour of the internet? was it
more black and red this year
3/3/11: Statement from the Governor-General Regarding Earthquake - Change From Rescue To Recovery Focus
From NZDF photo

flag at half
mast, black and red, Canterbury earthquakes, christchurch,
National Christchurch Memorial Service Info & Programme

march 2011, christchurch loses rugby world cup
games after earthquake
Click for big version.

Christchurch hosting RWC 2011 games decision

Ken Ring's lunacy,
earthquake, prediction, cartoon
Click for big version.

Werewolf: You Have Been Mooned
I didn't draw the picture, but here it is anyway.



Werewolf: Learning To Read The PM

Earlier in the year, when asked what he really thought about something, Prime Minister John Key said, “I’m leaving it until my book. I know the answer, but just wait until my book.” After an unprecedented two-and-a-half month investigation, Werewolf can now reveal he was talking about this…

I was walking down the road, and I saw a Prime Minister!
And he’d ‘forgotten’ about a pile of Tranzrail shares.
He was a shonky John Key.


ami logo,
sad face
AMI Secures Capital Support

The Shonky
John Key
Click for big version

Werewolf: Learning To Read The PM

shonky john key, clearly lucky, roulette, cards up
sleeve, john key, phil goff
Click for big version.

Unused for the above: 'clearly lucky'.

canterbury earthquakes
Canterbury Earthquake Recovery Bill Passes

playstation, scam, hack,
dollar sign
PlayStation scam warning



Goff Disappointed As World Fails To End

Close friends say they are worried for Labour Leader Phil Goff, who is increasingly disappointed that predictions the world would end last weekend did not come true.

The destruction of the universe was widely considered Labour’s best chance of winning this year’s general election.


john key, popemobile
Gordon Campbell: On the alleged threats to John Key

rugby, religion, rugby world cup
Click for big version

Werewolf: Funding The National Religion

John Key, rapture
Click for big version

Werewolf : Goff Disappointed As World Fails To End



Werewolf: The Antipodean Nights’ Entertainments

Once there was a mighty Prince who was extremely mindful of his own mortality. He decided to ensure his legacy by having a child. Yet, having married, he realised that if he died and left his wife with a baby, she might end up on the DPB. So to spare her that widely-recognised dishonour, he immediately had her executed.

Much to the distress of the court, he repeated this pattern several times. Finally a wise young woman, the Grand Vizier’s daughter, agreed to marry the prince. And she distracted him from his brooding by telling him stories.


orange election man, camera, broadcasting
2011 Broadcasting Allocation Decision Released

hospital, liquor,
alcohol, drunk, health policy
Intoxicated patients an increasing problem hospitals

photoshop meme: Vancouver
Riot Kissing Couple v Max Key planking
Click for big version

Meme Break: Vancouver Riot Kissing Couple v Max Key

photoshop meme:
Vancouver Riot Kissing Couple v Max Key planking
Click for big version


john key, sky tower, gambling
Click for big version.

SkyCity seeks expanded gambling for convention centre deal

the hobbit, barry
Humphries, dame edna
Hobbit Casting: Evangeline Lilly, Barry Humphries

roger douglas, dracula
Roger Douglas: Don’t Stop There Jim

john key, don brash, old man of the sea,
arabain nights, alladin
Click for big version.

Werewolf: The Antipodean Nights’ Entertainments

taj mahal, john key, max key,
Special bonus Max-Key-Planking pic.



carbon tax, ets,
emissions, climate change, global warming
Australia puts a price on carbon

tobacco, cigarettes,
health warning, litigation, trade
Click for big version.

Tobacco Bullies Use Trade Agreements Against Public Health

sis, new
Zealand, phone tapping, surveillance
Katene: New Zealand Security Intelligence Amendment Bill

Aww, Don'
be sad!
Click for big version.

Bonus pic: Don Brash meets Sad Keanu

sleepover wages, bed, money, employment
“Too little too late”- workers to Government sleepover offer

Fern sculpture ('Fernball') being
held by a crane as it is taken down for repairs in Civic
Square, Wellington
Click for big version

Image: Crane Holds Civic Square Fern Ball



Sestina SIStina Barcelona

Sometimes I think, if I should chance to be
crushed by a falling lump of masonry
my motives may be viewed suspiciously
due to, upon me, the discovery
of passports (between zero and twenty);
not one but two notebooks – and fully three
assorted pencils! – worse, they see
notes made in light verse (not quite poetry)
on current political policy.
Perhaps I’ll be on the TV.


things that rhyme with ess
Werewolf: Sestina SIStina Barcelona

trade me, fraud, crime, shill bidding
Shill bidding: Unlawful, unethical and dumb

lyndon hood - john key, narnia, youth
Gordon Campbell: On the Government’s latest plans to Americanise the welfare system

wellington snow
Click for big version.

Wellington.Scoop: Wellington hit by morning and afternoon snowfalls (First two photos are mine.)
See also Wellington Snow Photos: Lower Hutt and Video: Wellington snow - Petone to Waterloo.

fish, agriculture, fisheries, merger
MAF/MFish merger to realise savings; front line secure

tinted glasses, red 3d glasses
World Week Ahead: Perception sets the agenda

eqnz, Canterbury earthquake,
Deficit blows out to $18bn as EQC kitty falls $1.1bn short



The Inspector Protector

DAY ONE The minister has tasked me with investigating the state of workplace safety in New Zealand. After that she went back to the departmental budget – as I left I heard her telling someone there was a recession on and there was no money for new carpets or filing cabinets or air conditioning and there were people in Christchurch who would be grateful to have carpets at all.

First priority: background. Examined the departmental statistics.

We have, actually, been known to prosecute employers. Not sure how to feel about this, officially. One might consider it to be Doing Our Jobs, but there is also the need to balance this with letting employers, who are the lifeblood of our economy, do whatever they like. This is called Ease Of Doing Business.

I stopped in to see how the inspectorate was going. He said he was fine.


dragon, new Zealand, wales
First Minister of Wales Impressed With Kiwi Business

trade me, kiwi, kangaroo, new Zealand,
Trade Me may look for offshore growth, Fairfax CEO says

wellington hail
Scoop Images: Wellington Hail in the CBD 13/9/11

Don Brash, Bob Marley, Marijuana
Click for big version.

Gordon Campbell: On the Act Party’s latest policy contortions



Dining With The Baron

“I took ship from Bremerhaven, as you know, with a fair wind and a bold heart, but lady luck was soon to change her face. On the third day there arose a storm of unimaginable size – the waves were as high as houses, then as high as mountains; strange howlings came from the ocean; passing whales begged to be allowed on board as on that night the sea was no place for a creature of God; and I personally was struck by lightning three times...

“I don’t know if you’ve ever been trapped under several fathoms of water, struggling to escape and deprived of oxygen, as you face your apparently inevitable expiration knowing that no matter what convulsions you go through or how loudly you shout no living soul will know or care. It’s uncomfortably like being Phil Goff."


Rugby Ball, fern, fernball, Wellington,
Civic Square, sculpture, Neil Dawson, Rugby World Cup, RWC
Click for big version.

Rubgy Ball Lodged On Civic Square Fern Ball

ACT Website Policy Pages: Bacon Goes With Everything!

An unfinished ACT election policy section has been published on their website. Instead of policy descriptions the pages at were filled with a mixture of latin words and name of kinds of meat...


youth, justice, courts
Alternative court processes for child witnesses

England, rose, rugby, world cup, wet
England team member jumps from Devonport ferry, swims to wharf, warned by police

rugby, heart, rugby ball, health, sport
CPIT rugby research measures heartfelt response

fraser ali, mmp, elections,
referendum, orange election man
For Werewolf 27: Why MMP Is Still The Best Option



Strange And Bizarre: Scoop Satire: A Tea Ceremony

[JOHN 1 and JOHN 2 enter a cafe, bow to each other, and sit in facing seats at a cafe table.]

WAITER: Can I help you?

JOHN 1: I would like a Symbolic Cup Of Tea.

JOHN 2: I too would like a Symbolic Cup Of Tea.

[Waiter bows. Waiter opens a cupboard and removes a Key Ring. Waiter unlocks a Safe which contains a small Gong. Waiter places Gong beside Espresso Machine and Strikes the Gong once.]

[Camera flash.]


David Low, Colonel
Blimp, parody, welfare, new zealand, election 2011, nzvotes,
votenz, Lyndon Hood
Click for big version.

Satire: Vote Colonel Blimp For Welfare Reform

Don Brash, Peter Dunne,
Invisible Ukulele, election, debate, nzvotes, votenz, new
zealand, election 2011
Adapted from TVNZ Images: Minor Party Leaders Debate

Click for big version.

Gordon Campbell: On some possible options for the Greens

gareth reeves,
ghost chips, satire and parody
Greens make a real NZ First

saddleback, saddle, fall,
wellington, midland park
Click for big version.

Scoop Images: Saddleback Bird Of The Year Event

Epsom, election, john banks,
national, act, cup to tea, teacup, teapot
Scoop Satire: A Tea Ceremony

Epsom, election, john banks, national, act,
cup to tea, teacup, teapot, tapes, audio, recording
Gordon Campbell on the Banks/Key taping saga

solid energy, state woned enterprises,
asset sales, partial privatisation
Click for big version.

Gordon Campbell: On Epsom, and dodgy aspects of the asset sales programme



elections, orange election man, poverty,
Click for big version.

Low-income voters election feedback

charter schools,
elections, nzvotes, guinea pig, education, national,
Gordon Campbell: On charter schools

election, nzvotes,
coalition, national, act, maori party, united future, john
key, peter dunne, tariana turia, john
Click for big version.

Gordon Campbell: On the coalition agreements


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