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The New Write - 26th August 2002


Official Newsletter of the New Zealand Young Nationals

26th August 2002

“The Greens were dope tested during the last week of Parliament…sure enough there were seven of them.”
-Winston Peters



Slack attitudes to school attendance is leading directly to children committing serious crimes, says National Party Leader Bill English, commenting on the Choy murder case.

“13 year old Bailey Junior Kuariki, convicted of manslaughter, had not been attending school for nearly a year. When children are allowed to be persistently absent it is no surprise some of them will end up in serious trouble.

“In the first place it is the responsibility of parents to make sure their children attend school. But when the parents are negligent education and welfare authorities should be enforcing the law.

“It shouldn’t be a helpless situation. There are a large number of people outside the mainstream education system who have the skills and commitment to deal with troubled children. These individuals and charitable organisations deserve more support from the Government, to ensure every child gets an education and no child is left behind,” said Mr English.


The electoral rout of the Alliance confirms that the New Zealand University Students Association (NZUSA) and the Aotearoa Tertiary Students Association (ATSA) have misrepresented the political views of most tertiary students, says Student Choice.

In the lead up to the election NZUSA and ATSA praised the Alliance’s tertiary education policy, said the policy was the best option for students and advised students to support the Alliance and like-minded parties, Student Choice spokesman Clint Heine said.

“NZUSA and ATSA claim to represent 200,000 tertiary students and said that the Alliance's education policy was the best on offer. Why then did the Alliance only receive 22,500 list votes? If NZUSA and ATSA actually represent 200,000 students, why didn’t the Alliance receive students' votes?” Mr Heine asked.

“The answer is that NZUSA and ATSA do not reflect the political views of all tertiary students. This is because both organisations and most local student associations are based on compulsory membership. The election result is clear evidence that forcing people to join a political group does not mean that their views will be accurately represented,” Mr Heine said.


An aeroplane carrying the Green Party elite was about to crash while travelling to an election meeting in Whitianga.

There were five passengers on board but only four parachutes.

The first passenger said: "I'm Rod Donald, joint leader of the party. Aotearoa needs me to halt the development of genetic engineering, I can't afford to die..."

So he took the first pack and left the plane.

The second passenger Jeanette Fitzsimons said: "I am also a joint leader of the party and many look to me for guidance and inspiration. I'm an ambitious woman and I intend being the world's first Green's Prime Minister." She took the second parachute and jumped out of the plane.

The third passenger Nandor Tanzcos said: I'm also a 'joint' leader and I'm needed in Aotearoa to prove to everyone that dope is harmless and doesn't stop you from being a clear thinker."

So he put on the pack next to him and jumped out of the plane.

The fourth passenger Sue Bradford says to the fifth passenger, a 10-year-old-school boy, "I'm tired and worn out from protecting the rights of the downtrodden and unemployed. My job on this planet is now done. I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."

The boy replied "It's okay, there's a parachute left for you. Aotearoa's clearest thinker has taken my schoolbag."


*It is a pity United Future MP Kelly Chal was kicked out of Parliament so early for not being a New Zealand citizen. A few journalists were getting ready to run an interesting and embarrassing story on her links to the controversial Destiny Church. Lead by Brian Tamaki, this church had their television show cancelled after he said female political leadership was part of “the Devil’s strategy”.

Chal defended Tamariki’s comments, saying they were “straight from the bible”.

*Some of National’s Parliamentary staff panicked after seeing a newspaper headline on the theft of MP’s beers. The industrious Nats have been running an “alcohol amnesty”, collecting unwanted beer from MPs and for a moment thought they had landed themselves in trouble. Luckily though, the article was referring to theft from an apartment belonging to several Labour MPs.

The National staffers deny responsibility for this break-in.

*Two of the Labour Party’s brightest young stars (in their own minds) are now a team in Parliament. MP David Cunliffe has hired former Young Labour president Jordan Carter as his secretary. Cunliffe is now officially a “Principal Private Secretary” to the Minister of Finance, which involves making coffee and carrying handbags. Carter will assist Cunliffe with these onerous tasks.

Sadly, it may mean the end of the popular Young Labour newsletter “Futures Left”. What a shame!

*Winston Peters has begun this Parliamentary term in style – he was spotted out on the turps till 4am last Wednesday night. Knowledgeable observers say he will follow the successful pattern of getting on the booze for two years and then campaigning hard for around six months.

*A disturbing piece of gossip….guess which Labour Cabinet Minister used to wear, and enjoy, nipple clamps? Hint: she was pictured in a newspaper wearing fish-net stockings earlier this year.

*High profile Labour MP David Benson-Pope has been embarrassed by a photo circulating of him visiting the Cadburys factory in Dunedin with Helen Clark. All staff and visitors have to wear hair-nets, but Benson-Pope had to wear a special “mo-net” for his manly moustache.

*Fiji's Prime Minister Lasisenia Qarase has warned his cabinet ministers not to be found drunk or engage in "immoral" activities. The warning follows several recent reports of ministerial drunkenness at public functions, including the recent ACP summit, and squabbles over women.


1. Journos still can't recognise him even after being issued with new
business cards adding the line "You know, the bald guy from Dunedin"
under his name.

2. He didn't get any endorsements from Catholic media following his pre-election press release titled "Dunedin MP named Pope".

3. He's been told he will again be passed over as Time magazine's Man of the Year.

4. He got three requests from National Radio to interview the "new MP from Dunedin South".

5. Daily papers haven't run in-depth features about "Leader in waiting David Benson Pope".

6. While understanding that the Herald can occasionally mix up MPs, being called "Georgina Beyer" was just too much.

7. The Otago Daily Times's front-page photo of him kissing Helen Clark sparked complaints from a number of health groups.

8. The editor of the Dunedin Star repeatedly gets him confused with Ian Ewen-Street.

9. Paul Holmes tried to order drinks from him at 3.2.

10. Jim Anderton asked him to "Take these documents down to the mailroom" after Cabinet once too often.

Be brave and pass it on!

St Molesworth



Follow the adventures of Weebil and Bob, who have just signed a fat contract with MTV. These cartoons are stupid but incredibly addictive.

Any views expressed here are not necessarily those of New Zealand Young Nationals, or the New Zealand National Party.

Contributions, feedback, articles and subscriptions welcome. Email newwrite@national.org.nz

Editor: Phil Rennie

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