Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day – for many it is a celebration of love, but for others, it is a chilling reminder of what love looks like.

This Valentine’s Day, Family violence response service, Shine, is highlighting the importance of knowing common signs to look out for that may be perceived as love, but is instead abusive behaviour, control and isolation.

If your partner or ex-partner:

· continually sends you unwanted flowers despite you not wanting contact, but they are actually to “apologise”

· buys fancy lingerie for you that is actually deliberately the wrong size, or in a style that makes you uncomfortable

· constantly texts or calls in an intrusive way to monitor where you are and what you are doing

· sends you money but with bank transfer messages that are abusive or unwanted

· “love bombs” you with lots of gifts and attention at the beginning of the relationship and then starts to subtly put you down, isolate you and control you

· tells you that you need no one else, and discourages contact with friends and family until you’re completely isolated

· tells you not to go out at night preventing you from going to the gym or your community class

· tells you that they will always look after you, but as part of financially controlling you, stops you doing the job you love.

These are signs of abuse and we want to point this out tomorrow on Valentine’s Day.

Shine is welcoming calls from anyone who is worried about their own situation or who is concerned about a friend, family member, child or anyone they know who might be experiencing family violence. The Shine Helpline is available on 0508 744 633 or use the webchat service on www2shine.org.nz.

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